Shadow Dancer

by
Leah MacLean

I was there.
I was always there.
He didn't know me then,
and didn't realize who I was.
Just a shadow in his little boy dreams.
A spectral being of black lace,
come to caress to his young, soft face.
He smiled in his sleep,
unaware of the schemes,
that would end the joy
that we had come to know.
Young and innocent,
he could not imagine
how some could hate me and my kind so.

I waited and bided my time,
for soon the awakening would be here.
He would gaze upon my face,
and would not to be afraid
to hold me in a friend's embrace.
We would stroll hand in hand,
kind and gentle,
through life's journeys together.
A friendship without end.
I would be free,
and out of the shadows.
Alive and one,
finally able
to play in the sun.

But in those dark days in the coming of age,
full of confusion, false starts and rage.
Alone and apart, we existed.
He loved and hated me at the same time,
what should have been ours,
he fought and resisted.
Heavy on him my urges did weigh.
Be gone, don't ever come back!
Those painful words I often did hear.
I would cry out to him,
in anger and pain,
I can't! I can't! Don't you see?
We're brother and sister in the same place.
Look in the mirror,
we have the same face.
No! No! He would shout and
he would scream,
You're not real, you're
nothing but a bad dream.
I am not a man,
not just yet,
he said to me out loud
with tears
streaming from our young eyes.
I'll tell you plain, and I'll
tell you proud,
I'm going to be a man and
lace just isn't allowed.

For years it went on like this,
him forever denying,
and me always crying.
He was unable to lose me,
and unable to hide.
I was always there,
always at his side.
Insisting and pleading with him
forever offering my hand.
Begging him to accept me,
with all my heart.
Learn about me from those of your kind.
We can exist together, the way
we were designed,
from here ever after,
this you cannot deny.
I am lonely and
I am tired.
No longer defy me,
for it does us no good.
Here to stay, I've always said.
Love me now, pay no attention
to what others may think.
Give me your heart and
I'll give you mine.
Together, the way it was meant.
We'll laugh and love, and there'll be
nothing left for you to resent.

And he did finally,
in this last year,
give up his fight and
put aside the hate.
Willing to embrace
my beautiful satin
and black lace.
The healing has begun,
we are now whole.
Able to love myself,
as is my right.
One heart that beats strong,
no longer divided,
righting the wrong.
Finally able to face what
I should've always known.
I am Leah.
I am Leah... no longer alone.

Leah M.

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